A Long Time Coming

It's almost here. A new year is approaching in what seems like the blink of an eye. Yet, ask me during the thick of life and I'll say otherwise. I'll tell you it seems like the days drag by.

How can that be? Looking back, time seems like it's fleeting faster than I can keep track. But in the moment my gut reaction is to wish it away.

Although, these past two years has and continues to bring mixed emotions about people and life in general, it has finally caused me to face all those little things that I ignored about myself when life was "normal."

The constant worry that I deemed a personality flaw.
The constant comparison I allowed to creep in when scrolling.
The constant self-criticism that I spoke inwardly ensuring myself that I wasn't worthy.
The constant search for that one thing that would make life smooth sailing.

Ignorance and busyness during the normal season about these little things created a distraction. There was no facing them head-on; instead just hiding them in the dark.  

I'm not one that likes to admit defeat or failure, which is why it was easier to keep things hidden. When they are hidden, no one has to know except you. It's your dirty little secret.

We all have issues, some just more visible to the naked eye than others. The problem is whatever is hidden will come out eventually. The longer you wait, most often the more devastating it will be. Mine rocked my world, and mostly no one knew; a lonely and shameful feeling.... at first.

Those little things that had come out, manifesting themselves in physical form, could only be resolved through grace; which just so happened to be my word for 2021.  I had to allow myself, give myself, and accept for myself the grace that was freely available to me but was just too blind to see or perhaps too stubborn. 

Grace allowed me to make mistakes without feeling worthless.
Grace allowed me to get up after falling down.
Grace allowed me to feel loved even when I didn't measure up.
Grace allowed me to see just how good God is when I wanted to second guess everything.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

Unmerited favor from the One who makes all things new. Including this girl.

With love, 

Tori.