Love You, Love Me

How often do you tell your spouse you love them? How about your kids? What about your friends?

Recently, I was reminded of the fact that although my love for these people in my life does not change but perhaps grows more and more each day, it is so important that I share these feelings with them.

When it comes to writing, I can easily put down into words what I’m thinking in feeling, but when speaking, it’s a different story. I’m often reserved in what I say out loud in regards to my feelings, relying on my actions to carry out my love.

You see my love language is a combination between acts of service and quality time. So when I want to show my love for someone, you will see my actions relate to those two languages.

But what I’ve learned over the years is that just because I would rather have my husband clean the bathrooms for me than buy me roses, doesn’t mean he wants the same thing. He would prefer physical touch or words of affirmation.

The problem comes when I try to love him with my love language and he doesn’t feel it because ultimately I’m just loving myself. I’m relying on my wants, my ideas of what love is to him rather than trying to figure out what his needs are first.

Sacrifice is an idea that our world today rejects. It’s about me; what I deserve; doing things the way I want;  not apologizing for stepping on others to get to the top. This mentality might work for a bit and might even get you where you want to go, but once you get there, all the people you left behind along the way, won’t be there.

While taking care of your mind and body is important for your health, neglecting other aspects of your relationships can be just as toxic.

Now I will be the first to say, sacrifice is hard. Whether it is sacrificing time, money, or talents it doesn’t come easy and not always naturally. It’s much easier to say well I just don’t have time for that or I just don’t like doing it that way or they just don’t understand that’s not my personality.

I’ve said all these things.

Those excuses are all reasons that push me further away from what I’m called to be: a servant of others. Whether those others are my spouse, my children, my friends, family or strangers. 

So the next time I’m given an opportunity to serve someone other than myself I’m going to  say yes to sacrifice. Yes to rearranging my schedule to help someone else. Yes to being open minded to other ways. Yes to laying my wants down and picking up someone else’s needs.

On the days I’m struggling to do this, I tell myself to remember. Remember what Jesus did for me. Any sacrifice I make pales in comparison to what he did for me. 

As my preacher said last evening, “we should be less inwardly focused, and more outwardly focused”. 

I think sacrifice is where we can start.

With love, 

Tori