2020 Tired

 I'm tired.

Not mama tired, although that has been the case for the past eight years of my life, but now I'm tired of bad. Bad news, bad comments, and bad attitudes to be exact. All of it brings me down, makes me frustrated, and just makes me shake my head.

Lately, it has been difficult for me to keep finding the good in all that is bad. It's as if I'm just barely keeping my chin just above the water. All the while I'm paddling just as fast as my legs will go, keeping myself afloat.  And just when I think I've regained strength, start to see the light, and my head is about to completely come out of the water, BAM!!! Something comes by and drags me back under again.

Some might have similar feelings. Feelings that you are just too tired to even speak at the non-sense anymore. So much non-sense. The phrase, "I just can't" is among the most commonly used in my vocabulary right now.

What a vicious cycle. This world will and does have trouble. I know that. 

But it hasn't stopped me from asking the question, why? Why is it this way?

A lot of explanations have found their way into my mind as to why, but ultimately it doesn't matter. It's not about figuring out which one is right. The right explanation won't change what is going on, only the right person will.

As I sit here, tired, weary, and drained from all the bad, I remember this. When I am weak, He is strong.

I just can't possibly fix everything in this world that needs fixing, but He can.

I just can't possibly change people's perspectives on certain issues, but He can.

I just can't possibly protect my family from all the bad things that might come their way, but He can.

I just can't possibly overcome all the hate and evil in the world, but He can and He has overcome.

And that is where I find my rest. Rest that I desperately need and am longing for. Call me simple, call me naive, call me a sheep, call me blind; whatever it is you think I am; it is okay with me. 

 My hope rests in the one who holds tomorrow and today that's enough for me.

With love,
Tori