My Own Worst Enemy
Does anyone remember that game called Perfection? It was a rectangular game that was red in color and had a blue tray with empty holes all throughout that were different shapes. The 3D shape pieces were yellow and had pegs on the back of them so you could pick them up easily. You would push the blue tray down after you set the timer and that would signal the timer to begin ticking away audibly. The object of the game was to get all the 3D shape pieces into the holes that were located on the blue tray before the timer went off and pushed the tray upwards throwing all the 3D pieces everywhere. I loved this game! I would play it over and over again trying to achieve PERFECTION. Thinking back, I'm not even sure I ever beat the game. Maybe once but what I remember more often than not is all the pieces flying everywhere and me winding the timer back up to try again. I loved the thought of just once, maybe I could complete the PERFECT game.
A lot of people chase after their idea of perfect. Striving to complete each day without one moment of calamity or strife. For people like me, with my type of personality, perfection is more than just a want. It has to happen or else my little world falls apart. I didn't realize how much perfection had a hold on me until recently.
Perfection might look different to you than it does to me, but my idea of perfection is being and doing it all. Being the mom who cooks healthy, homemade delicious meals every night of the week and having it on the table by 6 pm and never yells at her children or loses her temper. Being the wife who is presentable all the time so her husband is not disappointed in the way she takes care of herself. Being the Christian who reads and studies the Bible all the time, volunteers for everything, and shares her faith even when it's hard. Being the friend who always looks out for others before herself and never exhibits any signs of discontent or jealousy.
Let me say that no one person has pushed these ideas on me or has made me think this way, it's simply me living a life to please the world. As rooted as I thought I was in my faith, I fell into the trap and was struggling to stay afloat. Its seems pretty simple right? No one is perfect. Every person knows that. I know that. The problem is the world has become a master at disguising perfection. Through social media, through articles, through the media, through tv shows, through magazines. All these outlets shout at you "This is what you should be! If you aren't this, then you aren't working hard enough, you're not smart enough, or any other lies that your own mind can come up with. Trying to achieve perfection is exhausting and honestly unattainable if you measure yourself by the world's standards. I got to the point where I was so disgusted with myself because I could not do all those things. I was juggling all those ideas and constantly I dropped the ball. I was so disappointed that I just didn't measure up.
Thankfully, I'm surrounded by people who see the world as it is, and helped bring me back to the cross. I was reminded that I was so focused on what I couldn't do and didn't have, that I forgot all the things I could do and already have. I was reminded that perfection is achievable through Jesus, but its' not the perfect I have been chasing after. It's the kind of perfection that is sustainable only if I fix my eyes on him.
No matter the flaws I have that the world wants me to focus on and chase after fixing them all, he makes them beautiful through his love for me. Love. That was all I was really trying to achieve in the first place. I just wanted to be loved. The problem was I wanted to be loved by the world.
With perfection comes pride, greed, and self-centeredness. It's not the kind of love a person needs. That kind of love is temporary and will fade. Here today, gone tomorrow. The kind of love I need is that agape love. The kind of love that is going to be there at my best and at my worst. That kind of love is given freely through one person, Jesus. He gave his life so I could have mine.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
With love,
Tori
A lot of people chase after their idea of perfect. Striving to complete each day without one moment of calamity or strife. For people like me, with my type of personality, perfection is more than just a want. It has to happen or else my little world falls apart. I didn't realize how much perfection had a hold on me until recently.
Perfection might look different to you than it does to me, but my idea of perfection is being and doing it all. Being the mom who cooks healthy, homemade delicious meals every night of the week and having it on the table by 6 pm and never yells at her children or loses her temper. Being the wife who is presentable all the time so her husband is not disappointed in the way she takes care of herself. Being the Christian who reads and studies the Bible all the time, volunteers for everything, and shares her faith even when it's hard. Being the friend who always looks out for others before herself and never exhibits any signs of discontent or jealousy.
Let me say that no one person has pushed these ideas on me or has made me think this way, it's simply me living a life to please the world. As rooted as I thought I was in my faith, I fell into the trap and was struggling to stay afloat. Its seems pretty simple right? No one is perfect. Every person knows that. I know that. The problem is the world has become a master at disguising perfection. Through social media, through articles, through the media, through tv shows, through magazines. All these outlets shout at you "This is what you should be! If you aren't this, then you aren't working hard enough, you're not smart enough, or any other lies that your own mind can come up with. Trying to achieve perfection is exhausting and honestly unattainable if you measure yourself by the world's standards. I got to the point where I was so disgusted with myself because I could not do all those things. I was juggling all those ideas and constantly I dropped the ball. I was so disappointed that I just didn't measure up.
Thankfully, I'm surrounded by people who see the world as it is, and helped bring me back to the cross. I was reminded that I was so focused on what I couldn't do and didn't have, that I forgot all the things I could do and already have. I was reminded that perfection is achievable through Jesus, but its' not the perfect I have been chasing after. It's the kind of perfection that is sustainable only if I fix my eyes on him.
No matter the flaws I have that the world wants me to focus on and chase after fixing them all, he makes them beautiful through his love for me. Love. That was all I was really trying to achieve in the first place. I just wanted to be loved. The problem was I wanted to be loved by the world.
With perfection comes pride, greed, and self-centeredness. It's not the kind of love a person needs. That kind of love is temporary and will fade. Here today, gone tomorrow. The kind of love I need is that agape love. The kind of love that is going to be there at my best and at my worst. That kind of love is given freely through one person, Jesus. He gave his life so I could have mine.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
With love,
Tori
Comments
Post a Comment