Practicing the Pause

I can recall one of our biggest arguments as a couple.  It was whether or not one of us was singing the right lyrics to Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

I kid you not, we were both so sure that we were right, a full blown argument ensued over this trivial topic.

One of us thought the lyrics went like this:

You better watch out
You better not pout
You better not cry
I'm telling you why

The other thought it went like this:

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why

Back and forth we went over who was singing it the right way. Each of us giving our reasons as to why were were correct, tuning out anything the other person said because we just knew they were completely wrong.

If you have ever had an argument before, you can always feel that point where something in you is triggered. The heat begins to rise in your body starting from your toes and makes its way into your face, your jaw starts to tighten and tense up, and your pulse soon begins to pump faster and faster. Everyone has their own way that conflict starts to affect them physically, but I can assume that everyone has felt angry as some point or another.

I recall this event so many years ago when we were first together, and I laugh out loud now at the silliness that was displayed by both of us. All because we wanted to be right. All because we felt we weren't being heard by the other party.

Isn't that how we often react now a days to each other's differing opinions? Talking so loudly at the other person, with our blood boiling, determined that they will see it my way.

I've learned this lesson best with one of my own children.  She wants to be heard, and for the longest time I wouldn't listen. I was the parent, she was the child, and I was determined to make her see my way was the right way.  The problem was she wasn't listening either. She was determined to make me see her way was the right way, and she was going to do whatever it took to accomplish that task. Some days I would lay down at night and pray, "God there has to be a better way. Please show me."

And he did. He told me to show mercy and sprinkle in a whole lot of grace.

We don't always have to have it our way. We may be 100 % right, but at what cost are we willing to go to prove we are right?  Conflict and problems will arise no matter what stage of life you are in, but how you handle them is more important than anything else.

Do you spout off without a second thought as to what your words might say or make another person feel? Do you say to yourself, I have every right to say what I want to say, it's a free country? Do you speak your mind, tell others off with vulgar words saying, that's the way I was treated so I'm just returning the favor?

Or do you chew on your words before they come out tasting to see how it would make you feel if someone said the same things to you? Do you sit and rest on your thoughts to make sure they are gently spoken with love and kindness? Do you take notice that the person who said or did those things to you is precious to God and treat them with respect and dignity?

It's never easy to bite your tongue when your upset, but let me tell you that is the most important time to do it. The word once it is spoken can never be taken back.

People let us start to practice the pause.

"My dear brother and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20

With love,
Tori