First Grade Blues
My big went back to school on Monday. Y'all I went through all my emotions in literally less than 30 minutes on that first day of school.
Let me give you a little peek into my morning:
I was excited as we left the house looking forward to this new adventure for my baby, then when I saw the traffic I became anxious of being late, then I got angry because Matt said something I didn't like after I started to lose it because we moved an inch in like 10 minutes, then I put on my brave face for my baby so I could walk her in to school, then I loved on her before I left as she sunk into our hug and didn't want to let go, then I cried when I got back to the car because well... my baby is growing up and there isn't anything I can do to stop it.
I know you are probably want to shake me by my shoulders and say, "Get it together, Tori! What's wrong with you? It's just school, its not like she is gone forever."
Maybe I've turned into the "helicopter mom" wanting my children to be within arms reach, maybe I get crazier as I get older, maybe my hormones are still out of wack from having a baby 10 months ago, I don't know, but all I know is I missed my baby yesterday and couldn't wait to have her back with me.
Have you ever got to a point in your life where you just take a step back and realize nothing is ever going to be the same? Not that where you are is a bad place, but it's just different. I think back to our first house, sitting in the floor playing with our only child at the time, watching Tangled over and over again, listening to her repeat her favorite parts and thinking to myself, has there ever been anything more perfect than this child right here?
Change is hard for the mamas.When you see the normal slipping away into new uncharted territory, it gets scary. Scary to the point where you just wish time would stop, that it would freeze and always be this way, but in your heart of hearts you know it can't. Yesterday can never come back. What was will never be what is right now. When you are at this point, what do you do? Well you can be like me and say hello to joy, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust all at the same time all in the front seat of your minivan. Or you can go to God. As having been there, let me tell you which one to choose, choose the second option.
I know that I can't have yesterday back and things that once were are different now, but I can rejoice in the fact that I get today with them. I get to experience life with them, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm determined to make each day count. Not in the sense that I give them everything they want so they will always be happy, but in the way that when they lay their heads down at night, they know they have a mama who loves them unconditionally, just like their Father in heaven.
To all the mamas with the first grade blues, or fifth grade blues, or senior year blues rest in the fact that, no you won't get yesterday back, but you have today and that's what counts. Love them hard!
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
With love,
Tori
Let me give you a little peek into my morning:
I was excited as we left the house looking forward to this new adventure for my baby, then when I saw the traffic I became anxious of being late, then I got angry because Matt said something I didn't like after I started to lose it because we moved an inch in like 10 minutes, then I put on my brave face for my baby so I could walk her in to school, then I loved on her before I left as she sunk into our hug and didn't want to let go, then I cried when I got back to the car because well... my baby is growing up and there isn't anything I can do to stop it.
I know you are probably want to shake me by my shoulders and say, "Get it together, Tori! What's wrong with you? It's just school, its not like she is gone forever."
Maybe I've turned into the "helicopter mom" wanting my children to be within arms reach, maybe I get crazier as I get older, maybe my hormones are still out of wack from having a baby 10 months ago, I don't know, but all I know is I missed my baby yesterday and couldn't wait to have her back with me.
Have you ever got to a point in your life where you just take a step back and realize nothing is ever going to be the same? Not that where you are is a bad place, but it's just different. I think back to our first house, sitting in the floor playing with our only child at the time, watching Tangled over and over again, listening to her repeat her favorite parts and thinking to myself, has there ever been anything more perfect than this child right here?
Change is hard for the mamas.When you see the normal slipping away into new uncharted territory, it gets scary. Scary to the point where you just wish time would stop, that it would freeze and always be this way, but in your heart of hearts you know it can't. Yesterday can never come back. What was will never be what is right now. When you are at this point, what do you do? Well you can be like me and say hello to joy, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust all at the same time all in the front seat of your minivan. Or you can go to God. As having been there, let me tell you which one to choose, choose the second option.
I know that I can't have yesterday back and things that once were are different now, but I can rejoice in the fact that I get today with them. I get to experience life with them, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm determined to make each day count. Not in the sense that I give them everything they want so they will always be happy, but in the way that when they lay their heads down at night, they know they have a mama who loves them unconditionally, just like their Father in heaven.
To all the mamas with the first grade blues, or fifth grade blues, or senior year blues rest in the fact that, no you won't get yesterday back, but you have today and that's what counts. Love them hard!
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
With love,
Tori
Comments
Post a Comment