A Whole Lot of Give

Young and in love with nothing else on our minds except one another.  We couldn't live without each other, barely spending a few hours apart without being totally miserable because we couldn't wait to see each another.  High school sweethearts we were and he was my dream come true.

Fast forward 15 years and here we are.  Matt and Tori. Tori and Matt.  We are working on year ten of marriage and raising three little chickadees. Life is just trucking along.  When we first started dating, not to be mushy gushy but I knew he was going to be my Matthew for the long haul.  Call me crazy at only 16 but I knew deep down in my heart, we were going to be together for life.

With all that being said, marriage is hard.  It seems like you always get told that by couples who have been married for a long time. Saying things like, "It's going to take a lot of work." We would just nod and agree but secretly in our minds thinking they don't know us so they don't know anything. When you're first starting out and young you think you know everything and you tell yourself I'm not going to make the same mistakes that other people make.

As you get older, most of the time you get wiser. Experience usually comes with a fair share of failures and the majority of the time that is the best way you learn. Failure.  I remember reading a quote that said, "Mistakes are proof that your trying." While this in fact is true, I also think of this quote from Albert Einstein that said "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result."

I can recall having the same argument over and over again about a particular topic. Neither one of us willing to budge on our viewpoint, and every time the argument ending the same way, agree to disagree only to argue about the same thing a short time later.  Sounds like insanity to me!

But then one day after reading this verse and understanding what it really meant, not what "people" said it meant, we tried a different approach.  We tried submitting to one another.  Not the submission everyone likes to twist it to so often these days, but loving submission. Laying down your life for the sake of your spouse's just like Christ laid down his life for us.  Laying down your wants your needs and fulfilling the wants and needs of your spouse's before your own. Thinking "What am I not doing for my spouse that I need to be doing?" Not, "What is my spouse not doing for me?"

Not to say our marriage was bad before this, it had its good days and bad days, but deep down we knew something was missing. We knew we had areas that could be better.  When we started living out this verse, that is when real change started happening.

Instructions for Christian Households
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." Ephesians 5:21-22;25

There is a lot more to the verse and this particular passage but the main points are there. A hard concept for people to understand, but a necessary one to help your marriage thrive.

So let me encourage you to try submission and servitude rather than selfishness and pride. Try laying down your life like Christ laid his down for you. I guarantee you will be rewarded.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.

"It's not going to be easy, its going to be really hard. We are going to have to work at this everyday but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me. everyday." Nicholas Sparks ~ The Notebook.

With love, 

Tori